The Day My World Fell Apart

So many people have said to me after losing Laken; “How did you do it?”, or “I just couldn’t do it”, or they say “I guess God knows who can handle it!”… The facts are this-I was not given a choice! You do what you have to do, as the saying goes. Did I continue doing things like I’d always done? NO. Did my life carry on as if nothing had happened? NO. Did our family life go back to “normal”. NO. In fact, the answer to each of those questions is not only NO, but is in NO WAY, shape or form even close to a yes. My personal life nor our family life have been the same since, and never will.

July 21, 2008, the day of the golf cart accident, was the day my world fell apart…the day we lost Laken. I haven’t worked since that day. I still suffer with PTSD eleven years later. Every time I hear an ambulance siren, my heart sinks and my brain automatically takes me back to the accident, which brings all the memories and pain with it. I can still see it so clearly in my mind. Depending on my mood at the time, determines how bad it affects me. If I’m already in a depressed mood then it tends to take me to an even darker place. It will take me right to the scene of the accident & through every horrible second. I know that the devil loves when this happens. I’m trying hard to stay close to God and the moment I am inflicted with mental and emotional pain, stop and pray for His help. It is a daily struggle.

The loss of a child is like no other loss and unless you’ve experienced it personally then you have no idea the pain it inflicts or how it affects you. It can definitely destroy someone and/or a family in the blink of an eye. Once you’ve lost a child, you are automatically inducted as a member of the club. The club that no one wants to be in! Nonetheless, I have a membership.

For those of you that have asked, or thought about asking, how I did/do it the only answer is…God. He is the only reason me and my family have been able to deal with this life altering tragedy. He is my Savior and my strength. If it wasn’t for Him, I’d probably be dead or either in a mental institution. I have no clue how people that don’t have Him could make it through a tragedy like this…I know I couldn’t!

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.